Smart parenting after divorce – Informations! Divorce is hard on everyone involved, but it can be especially tough for children. Even after the divorce papers are signed, the relationship with your ex-partner still exists, because there are children involved. Parenting after a divorce can be a huge challenge as there are visitations, custody arrangements and each parent will need several things in order to guide their children through this tough change in life.
When you and your spouse have decided to separate, it’s very important to sit down with your children and discuss your plans openly. You want to make sure to keep the communication open for them and help them feel comfortable asking questions and expressing their feelings. Explain your little ones why you and your spouse are now living separate households. Encourage questions and do not avoid the hard ones. However, make sure that the answers are appropriate to your child’s age. Common fears and worries expressed by children whose parents are going through divorce are: fears of abandonment, self-blame, worries about the future. Children are often not able to express their feelings and fears in words as adults can. Often a child’s behavior is a clue to what their inner feelings and thoughts are. Sometimes child’s behavior may change. Sometimes, when children feel left out and angry, they may become aggressive towards their siblings or friends. Children can grieve quite a long time following their parent’s separation. Under no circumstances, should either of spouses talk badly about the other in front of the children or argue in front of your little ones. This can cause worries and fear and can further any issues the children are dealing with as a result of the divorce. If you must discuss something that may turn into a disagreement, do it when your children are not around.
If you date a new partner, keep it easy. You may think that your new partner is the greatest thing since sliced bread, but at one time you thought the same thing about the person is on the bottom of the restraining order you just got. Having your kids along with your new spouse helps legitimize the relationship, especially if your kids like your new spouse’s children – this might place unnecessary pressure on the kids. Then, there are the situations where you bring your kids into contact with your new partner and they hate your new partner. This may create you another set of issues. Always watch for sleep changes, eating changes and poor response to soothing. As divorce can rock kids‘ world, help them stay on track by communicating continually and expressing how valuable they are. Keep their routine as normal as possible and give them the tools to succeed. Sign them up for hobbies and classes they enjoy, keep them surrounded by loving friends and family and make the home atmosphere as positive and friendly as possible. Co-parenting takes patience and commitment to being understanding at times. Sometimes you will need to make sacrifices for the sake of what is best for your kids. Raising children is hard, but raising them separately is even harder. Focus on communication, try to minimize bickering over the small stuff and keep your eyes on what is really important: your children. Regardless of your personal feelings about your ex spouse, your little ones need a healthy connection with their other parent. Keep snarky comments to yourself and don’t discuss your frustrations with your children. Even more, encourage your children to maintain a respectful, caring relationship with their other parent. Remind them about Dad’s or Mom’s birthday and holiday gifts. There is still another parent involved and decisions should still be made as a joint effort as much as you can. Ensure that your children’s connection is alive when their other parent is at a distance.
Above all, be flexible. When you allow calls from your co-parent when the children are in your home, they will be more receptive to your calls when the tables are turned. Remember, you and your ex-spouse are still a parenting team working on behalf of your kids. Speaking with a therapist or counselor can help you effectively deal with these issues. In addition, your therapist can provide you with tips on how to handle what your children may be feeling this time of change as well.